We Have the Guilty Party; We Just Need to Find the Crime

We Have the Guilty Party; We Just Need to Find the Crime

The Democrats in Congress have a new policy for justice; convict first, then find a crime.

That is the refrain of the Democratic Party, convinced that President Trump is guilty of something, but they just don’t exactly know what.  Sure, there have been plenty of allegations presented from all sides, but the smoking gun just hasn’t been uncovered.  The Democrats assure us it’s there, but they’re just having a little trouble pinning it down.

We thought it was collusion with the Russians to steal the 2016 election, but it now appears there is no evidence that can connect the President to any of that.  We still think it happened, we just don’t have any proof.  Yet.

There is also the question of campaign finances.  We are quite sure some violations occurred, but we just can’t seem to pinpoint the how’s and where’s, or the even ifs.  But, we are confident that a few months more of digging will uncover a whole laundry list of high crimes and misdemeanors that will lead to Trump being impeached and removed from office.

There are also some likely shady business dealings we can find, if we just start looking farther and farther back in Trump’s history.  We don’t actually know of any, but we are betting, with the assistance of a compliant media, we can certainly find something we can use to turn public opinion against the President.  Come, on, we’ve only had a bevy of prosecutors, sleazy lawyers, and publicity-hungry reporters looking for some dirt for the last two-and-a-half years.  We just need a little more time.

We are pretty confident we will be able to announce a number of charges in the months leading up to Trump’s re-election campaign.  We still may not have any actual evidence of a crime, but we want to make sure the voters know we are on the verge of a major discovery, just as we have been since the 2016 election.

Now that we have taken back the House, we can devote all our resources to finding a way to remove a duly elected president from the White House.  All those piddly little problems like immigration reform, national security, predicaments in healthcare coverage, and the escalating national debt can take a back seat until we get our own president seated.

We also promise to deal with allegations that our own party may have colluded to try to fix the 2016 election to ensure Hillary would be the winner but, really, does anyone think there is anything “there.”  We think that is a dry hole anyway.

We have our warriors lined up to take on the important issues of the day, things like the New Green Deal, gender fluidity, and registering non-citizens to vote.  Our supporters in New York and California tell us those are the things most vital to the success of our mission to radically change America.  Once we achieve total control, we can force those “deplorables” to fall in line or face the consequences.

Removing Trump from office and silencing those annoying conservative voices, at universities and on the airways, is just the first step to a new and greater nation, one founded on democratic socialist values and equality for all, except a few million who disagree with us.

We know Trump is guilty; we just must find what crime he has committed, even if we invent one.  Because that’s the right way to do things.  The new motto: Truth, Justice, and the Progressive American Way.

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  1. Michael Lewis says

    Uh, yeah, that’s generally how investigations work: identify the crime, gather evidence, and then convict.
    I’m not sure what news you’re reading, but the charges are pretty darn clear: fraud, money laundering, treason, campaign finance violation, and obstruction of justice.

    What gets me is the reluctance to even question the matter in the face of obvious foul play. They did the same thing with Kavanaugh: responded to accusations by burying their heads in the sand rather than do any meaningful investigation.

    Why is it that any investigation into the president has to be instigated by the opposite party? You could ask that question

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