Fans of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Yolanda Foster may have noticed that she hasn’t participated in blogging during Season 5 of the hit Bravo reality series, and the former model is now speaking up to explain her absence from social media. In a heart-felt blog post published last week, Foster opened up about her battle with Lyme disease, which she says has taken away her ability to read and write.

In the blog post, the 51-year-old Real Housewives star said that Lyme disease has been drastically affecting her brain, and stated that the sensation feels like “someone came in and confiscated my brain and tied my hands behind my back just to watch and see life go by without me participating in it.”

She apologized to her fans for her inability to blog during this season of her reality show, but explained that she has “lost the ability to read, write, or even watch TV.” She ended the heartbreaking post on a positive note, saying that while the disease has caused several debilitating changes in her life, she won’t lose hope and will dedicate her life to finding a cure.

“As tired and hopeless as I feel at times, I have an undeniable spirit that will continue to fight and travel the world until I have the proper answers,” said Foster. “I keep reminding myself that I was given this task for a greater purpose. I am a firm believer that God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad of our greatest calling, so even though I have not found a cure, I have faith that I will.”

She shared a picture of herself at the Mount Elizabeth Novena Hospital in Singapore on Instagram on Monday, and echoed the optimism from her blog post in the photo’s caption.

“I guess God gives his hardest battle to the strongest soldiers,” she wrote.