Google is quickly progressing with its ambitious plans to put self-driving cars on the road and the recent announcement that 100 prototypes will be tested later this summer in San Francisco suggests that mass production could happen much sooner than most people think.

While media types have generally embraced the Volkswagen Beetle-looking, steering wheel- and gas pedal-lacking prototypes, Toronto Globe and Mail columnist Elizabeth Renzetti is not exactly a fan.

To Renzetti, the future with self-driving cars that max out at 25 mph appears very boring – if safe and all.

For one, driving off a cliff – a la Thelma and Louise – will be impossible.

Renzetti peppers her column with subtle and not-so-subtle swipes at Google’s self-driving cars, such as this gem: “With its foam fenders and plastic windshield, (the Google car) looks like one of those toy cars you see abandoned in playgrounds because they’re too embarrassing even for toddlers to drive,” she writes. “It looks like the car for people who already have a Segway in the garage.”

Millenials also receive a put-down courtesy of Renzetti vis-a-vis a Fast Company article that compares baby boomers’ expression of independence through “movies, music, cars and motorcycles” to teens and young adults today “expressing their freedom through social channels” (presumably, she is referring to social media).

Renzetti acknowledges Google’s mission to enable disabled people to better transport and that driving comes with inherent risks. However, she waxes about “how much fun it can be, and how liberating,” comparing it to “a dance between you and the other drivers on the road.”

Renzetti begrudgingly accepts a future that finds James Bond riding in a “driverless Aston Martin that incapacitates villains with Nerf bullets and silly string” because the cars will “brings us a safer world.”

She is just sold on the excitement level: “I’m not sure it will be much fun.”