A new study, published in the American Psychological Association’s journal Emotion, examined interpersonal relationship success as it correlated with emotion regulation.  Specifically, the researchers examined how well spouses regulated emotions and how that related to their satisfaction with their marriages.  They used data from a 13-year, 3-wave longitudinal study of middle-aged (40–50 years old) and older (60–70 years old) long-term married couples, focusing on the associations between regulation of negative emotion and marital satisfaction.

The scientists analyzed the videotapes of 80 husbands and wives in their 50s and 60s who had been recorded periodically over 13 years as part of a long-term study, as they discussed a subject of conflict. By measuring and coding each person’s facial expressions, gestures, and emotional and physiological responses (such as blood pressure, heart rate, sweating and body temperature), they identified the point at which each of them was most upset and timed how long it took them to calm down. More than 10 years later, the team asked the couples to return to assess how satisfied they were with their relationship.

Regulation of emotion was assessed by determining how quickly spouses reduced signs of negative emotion (using emotional experience, emotional behavior, and physiological arousal) after negative emotion events.  The study found that greater regulation of wives’ negative experience and behavior predicted greater marital satisfaction for wives and husbands concurrently.  Also, greater regulation of wives’ negative behavior predicted increases in wives’ marital satisfaction over time.

According to an analysis of the study in Time Health & Family, husbands calming down quickly did not have the same positive effect on marital satisfaction as did wives calming down quickly.  This study confirmed what seemed to be common sense – extended fighting is not good for a marriage.  As the argument heats up and negative emotions take over, both parties are likely to say things they will regret or things they do not mean.  Those are the types of statements likely to hurt their partners and undercut the relationship.

Common statistics state that half of marriages end in divorce.  However, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicates that the rate is actually lower than that.  In 2011, for example, there were over 2.1 million marriages.  In contrast, there under 900 thousand divorces in the same year.  There are similar trends in previous years, with over 2 million marriages each year and around 900 thousand divorces.