Too much texting can disconnect couples, researchers warn

Saying something sweet in a text works universally for men and women.

Brigham Young University researchers Lori Schade and Jonathan Sandberg studied 276 young adults around the country and found that constant connections through technology can actually create some disconnects in committed relationships.

A few highlights from the report include:

For women: Apologizing, working out differences or making decisions via texting is associated with lower relationship quality.

For men: Texting too often is also associated with lower relationship quality.

For all: Expressing affection for your significant other via texting enhances the relationship.

“Technology is more important to relationship formation than it was previously,” said Schade, who earned her Ph.D. from BYU in August. “The way couples text is having an effect on the relationship as well.”

Thirty-eight percent of the study participants said they were in a serious relationship, 46 percent were engaged and 16 percent were married. Every participant completed an extensive assessment about their relationship that included questions regarding their use of technology in the relationship.

About 82 percent of them traded text messages with their partner several times per day. Many of the couples used texting for stuff scholars call “relationship maintenance,” or the kind of conversations that help couples get on the same page. Ordinarily having these conversations is a good thing, but texting can actually makes things worse.

“Reaction to disappointment and reality testing occurs more quickly face to face,” Sandberg said. “There is a narrowness with texting and you don’t get to see the breadth of a person that you need to see.”

“We’re wondering if this means men disconnect and replace in-person conversations with more texting,” Schade said. “Maybe as they exit the relationship, they text more frequently because that’s a safer form of communication. We don’t know why, that is just a conjecture.”

Saying something sweet in a text works universally for men and women. sending a loving text was even more strongly related to relationship satisfaction than receiving one, in fact.