Dear Trump, You Can Beat This!

Dear Trump, You Can Beat This!

In this field, I provide an exerpt of this article.

What a ride!  Every day brings a new revelation into the Trump cesspool.  One has a difficult time imagining a way for that tangerine hippopotamus to salvage some dignity after all that’s been revealed, and all there is to come.  Just think: we haven’t even got to the part of him using his real estate “business” to launder money for corrupt foreign officials.

I could say I told you so.  I could, but I won’t.

No, I’m actually going to take his side in all this.  That’s right; I, a tree-hugging hippie and progressive snowflake liberal, have come to offer up some advice on how Ditwad J Gump can retain the presidency and continue to grab the world by the p***y.  And I do this with utter sincerity, and because I truly feel there’s beauty somewhere between the challenge and the irony.  So here goes:

First off, Donny, don’t deal with these things one-by-one, or you’ll end up fighting a hydra.  Stay focused on the big picture; your party controls the house and the Senate for at least another year and a half, so that buys you some time.  Keep dangling tax cuts and anti-abortion rhetoric in their faces and they’ll swat at that like a kitten.

Now this business of the scandals.  What you need is some political capital, and a lot of it.  If you don’t achieve some real gains soon, Republicans lose the house.  Once that happens, it’s impeachment city and you know that.  If you can present the appearance of doing a good job, the majority will start to lose interest in ousting you no matter how much of Putin’s money you laundered.

Start with this international tour.  Some say that’s going to be a weakness for you, but it doesn’t have to be.  Stop playing the game your advisors want you to play, and take your meetings with foreign leaders out to the golf course where you’re in your element.  Score some points on foreign policy and you’re halfway there.

Domestically, and this may sting a little, but you’re going to have to get in touch with your liberal side.  The Republican party is too fractured to push anything through when they can’t get a single blue vote out of things.  Start a battle worth fighting for, like badly needed education reform, for example.  Come out strong with a bold vision in that arena, something plausible that everybody can get behind, and the media’s fickle attention will be all over it.

Finally, get a lawyer.  None of these scandals really mean anything if they don’t lead to any charges, and if you keep your mouth shut and let your lawyer do the talking, you should be able to spend the aforementioned capital to get out of anything serious.

That’s all I have for now.  Until later, good luck, and hang in there.  You’ll make a profit from this whole presidential thing, yet!

Michael Patrick Lewis is a teacher, and bestselling author of Edge Of God, and for a limited time, Preferred Rewards is free to download on

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