A Jihadist Walks Into a Bar

A Jihadist walks into a bar.  After sitting down to enjoy some nice jerk pork and fine Jamaican rum, he decides it’s time to get down to business.  So, he pulls out his assault rifle and looks around for an infidel to kill.

He comes to the first table, where Donald Trump is sitting drinking a Virgin Mary.   “Recite from the Qur’an or I kill you!”

Donald Trump replies: “I don’t need to recite the Qur’an; I wrote the Qur’an!  In fact, I’ve got a team, some of the best people in the world working on a New Qur’an, and it’s going to be the biggest, best Qur’an you’ve ever seen!”

Satisfied, he moves onto the next table, where Hillary Clinton is sitting drinking a fine cabernet from California.  “Recite from the Qur’an or I kill you!”

“OK,” Hillary Clinton responds.  “Don’t grieve, Admiral.  It is logical: the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.”

The Jihadist scratches his head.  “Is that in the Qur’an?”

Hillary Clinton replies: “oh, absolutely!  Of course it is!”

Still unsure but not wanting to look stupid by losing a battle of wits to a female, he moves on.

At the next table, there’s a guy with olive skin and a beard, wearing one of those small white hats on his head, and a sling over his shoulder with a prayer rug in it.  He’s drinking some iced tea.  “Recite from the Qur’an or I kill you!”

The guy looks down at his BlackBerry Passport, and reads from the Qur’an app which is already open: “… come not nigh to shameful deeds. Whether open or secret; take not life, which Allah hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you, that ye may learn wisdom.

“NO CHEATING!” the Jihadist screams, and shoots him dead.­­­­

Michael Patrick Lewis is a teacher, father, and best-selling author of Edge of God. When he’s not writing, he’s thinking about what to write next.

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